Do you feel the need of a loudspeaker to scream at those who cross lanes without signalling? Or to yell at your co-workers when they just don’t seem to understand what needs to be done? Does even small misbehavior or naughtiness from your kids make you clench your fist and you need loads of self-control to keep your voice down? Do you notice your children get angry often while playing with their friends? Or in class?

“We all experience anger – anger only becomes a serious concern when an individual is angry too frequently, too intensely, and for too long                                                                                                                          — Raymond W. Novaco

Anger leads to increased stress levels, unpleasant mood, strained interpersonal skills and diminishes communication. It makes your mouth work faster than your mind. And thus, to control your anger you need to have control over your mind. Here are some tips that can be used by anyone to control their anger when they experience that rise in temper.

Tips to remember for anger management

  1. Take a deep breath – Just when you get that urge to shout or snap back, take a deep breath. These few seconds will calm you down and help you to think reasonably.
  2. Count to 10 – The moment you feel you are going to snap at someone count to 10 in your mind before you say something, That will give you enough time to control your impulse and prevent you from saying something that you might regret later.
  3. Sip some water – When you feel that anger rise inside, a sip of water helps calm you down. Also, this is another way of getting those extra seconds to be able to think rationally instead of losing your cool. Remember the movie “Chakde India” where Shahrukh Khan, the coach give this same tip of sipping water to one of the players.
  4. Repeat a word in your mind – If you are having difficulty controlling your rage too often, decide on a word or phrase that calms you. Maybe a chant like “Om” or words like “Relax”, “Breathe”, “I don’t have to react” and then repeat this word in your mind when you feel you are going to snap or react without thinking. This again gives your mind enough seconds to cool down and prevents you from impulsively reacting.
  5. Visualize a calming image – If repeating a word does not work for you, you can also imagine your happy place or happy activity when you are clenching your fist and about to probably say something to someone or mutter under your breath. Imagine your favorite holiday spot, or yourself curled up reading your favorite book or playing your favorite sport or video game. This helps calm your mind and gives you time to think.
  6. Move away – If you are at a stage where none of the techniques above help, your anger levels are high. You would need some time to reach the level to be able to control your anger better. Until such a time, whenever you are in a situation that causes you anger, just walk away from that place. It might even seem rude sometimes, but it sure is a better than saying something that you might not mean and cannot take back.

Inculcate habits to master your temper

Apart from these techniques that will help you when you are actually getting angry, here are some other ways that will help you become a calmer and more patient person.

  1. Don’t hold a grudge – Often anger stems from some grudge that you are holding, similar incidents trigger the same negative emotion. In such cases it is always best to free yourself from this grudge. While talking and sorting things out might not always be possible or something that you want to do, you would need to emotionally detach yourself and forgive. Forgiving and forgetting such people and incidents is the best way.
  2. Practice relaxation exercises – Another reason for excessive anger is stress. Use these effective techniques to manage your stress levels and you will realize how your anger too is getting controlled and managed too.
  3. Inculcate a passion or hobby – having something that you are passionate about and look forward to also helps in calming you down considerably as well & makes you more patient. This, in turn, helps you in managing your anger.

“Anyone can become angry, that is easy…but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way…this is not easy.”Aristotle

These tips will help you reduce the impulsive and uncontrollable rage and help you be more collected and react in a mature manner when you are angry and need to express it too.

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About Author

Sabeeka Lambe

I have been working in the software technology services space for over 15 years. In my professional life I help in implementing quality standards like ISO, CMMi & Six Sigma to make developers and testers jobs easier & process oriented. Through this blog I am sharing similar techniques coupled with age old wisdom from my mom and grand mom to make our living healthier and medicine free. To work in any new field, it helps if you read and train too, and I did the same. Have got a diploma in Naturopathy from Mumbai to enhance my knowledge and skills on this topic that I am passionate about


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    I recently walked away from a conversation which I was not responding so well to. Hadn’t needed to do that for years. You’ve got some good tips here. Good luck for the rest of the month.

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    These are great tips. Now, if only I could remember them in the heat of the moment! I am a grudge-holder, unfortunately, so I definitely need to work on that. Old wounds definitely get reopened anew when people exhibit the same unpleasant behaviors. I had never heard the idea of sipping water before, so I will have to give that one a try. Do you think it will work just as well with coffee? ;D

    Looking forward to reading more of your posts this month. Happy A to Z’ing!

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    Good tips. I have always had to struggle with “heat of the moment” responses. Working on it on a day to day basis right now!

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    Super useful. My life is a roller coaster but it is my hubby who taught me to control my anger 🙂 He listens to music and sees each thing with positivity

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    Sabera, a much needed one. Sometimes I really feel helpless and I have this problem. Have read your tips…Will follow these from today onwards. Hope will work for me.

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    This is such a helpful article…I controlled my anger by involving myself in my favorite hobby or whatever I love to do ….. leaving behind grudges is really tough as it gives pain which turns in anger when you think about something which really pissed you off

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    I have a very bad temper, since I was a kid! Tried everything but nothing works! These tips would definitely help me gain self control

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    Papri Ganguly on

    Anger management is real thing. I have my hubby struggling with it. But now his anger is under control.

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    Some really nice tips to control anger. At times when I am angry, I simply close my eyes and deep breathe. And the quote, “Forgiving people doesn’t mean I accept their behavior or trust them again. It means I forgive them for me so I can let go and move on with my life”, is very apt, Sabeeka.

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    I find that I can manage some bursts but there are times where it’s just one problem after another have no control over. It’s exhausting trying to keep yourself in check or finding a way to release it without leaving your desk 3 times an hour. That may be why I’m starting to find the, “Just don’t care about it” attitude to work best… Nathan

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